i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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