Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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