i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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