umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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