I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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