I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
