So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
