I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
