Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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