Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
