u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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