why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
