Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
