Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
