Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
