Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
