My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
