considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
