It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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