so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
