Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
