"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
NoShamevember. You game?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
