He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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