I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
