You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
