I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
