Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
