i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dicks are not precious.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
