Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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