I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
