Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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