so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
