If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
