So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Randomize
