Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
