Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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