Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
