i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
