He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
