haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
