The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
