she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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