i just had sex bonerless
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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