he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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