I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
