If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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