I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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