Nicole vs. Life
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
