dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
