I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
