Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
