weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
