I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
