Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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