I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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