i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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