Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
