Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
