Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
