I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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