We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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