I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
