I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
