end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
