I'm going to jail i love you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
