Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
