I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
