I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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