how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
