I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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