Whod you bang
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
