Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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