you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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