i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
