i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
