i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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