I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
