I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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