I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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